When Calm Feels Anything But Peaceful
When things slow down, discomfort can rise
When I started working in emergency management, I recall an early deployment during freshet, better known as spring runoff. This is when melting snow, combined with seasonal rain, can overwhelm systems and cause flooding. The surge was triggering landslides, putting homes and roads at risk, prompting evacuation orders and emergency response efforts.
Looking around the provincial Emergency Operations Centre (EOC), I noticed the steady, chaotic hum. But what struck me most was the people. They weren’t overwhelmed or on edge. They looked almost relaxed, some even a little giddy, as if they had reached a kind of calm within the storm.
It wasn’t until the peak of the event passed that something shifted. As things slowed and people began to disperse, a restlessness settled over the room. I remember thinking, what weirdos. They seemed to thrive on chaos.
Over time, I found that same sense of calm in the disorder. And eventually, during one particularly intense moment, it dawned on me, I was one of those “weirdos” too.
Are you one of them?
When faced with a crisis, does your heart rate steady instead of spike? Do your hands move with ease and efficiency? Is there a sense of clarity, even comfort in urgency?
People might ask, “How do you stay so calm?” But for many in first responder roles, that’s the easy part.
It’s the quiet that’s harder.
Because when things slow down, discomfort can rise. The stillness of time off, the unstructured hours, that’s when thoughts creep in. Chaos feels familiar. Calm can feel… uncomfortable.
While we each respond to stress differently, for some, this response has deeper roots. Children who grow up in unpredictable or unstable environments often learn early how to function in crisis. Exposure to addiction, mental illness, conflict, or inconsistency can train the nervous system over time.
Staying alert, composed, and responsive under pressure isn’t always a personality trait—it may be a survival skill.
First responders, paramedics, firefighters, police officers, emergency nurses often have a remarkable ability to regulate themselves in situations where others might feel overwhelmed. In moments of urgency, there is clarity. No guesswork about what’s needed or where you stand. In many ways, chaos has its own structure.
This pattern might show up as:
Feeling most competent or alive during emergencies
Difficulty relaxing during downtime or days off
Being drawn to intensity-driven workplaces
Minimizing your own needs while helping others
Burnout that sneaks in quietly over time
What people often misunderstand is that this draw toward chaos isn’t thrill-seeking or dysfunction. It’s familiarity. When unpredictability shapes our early life, calm can feel unsettling rather than soothing. It has become coded in our nervous system and although it plays an important role, we don’t need to change careers to avoid burnout. We just need to find a way to regulate ourselves without remaining in this heightened state to feel calm. Here are a few ideas you may find helpful:
1. Notice What Regulates You
You might begin by observing how your body feels during chaos versus after it. Is there a sense of grounding in being needed? Awareness alone can open new choices and allow us to ask, but what do I need?
2. Practice “Low-Stakes Calm”
Instead of forcing yourself to rest, or meditate, which may feel extreme and set off alarm bells, be gentle. A brief, structured calm—like a short walk, a timed breathing exercise, tapping, or a cup of tea. Small doses of calm can build tolerance over time and not feel so overwhelming.
3. Expand Identity Beyond the Uniform
When work has been the safest place to function, it can help to gently explore who you are outside of a crisis. This might be a physical activity or creative outlet, which can turn off the need to stay alert, while regulating the nervious system by finding a new way of experiencing zen, or a state of flow.
4. Watch for Burnout Signals
Burnout isn’t failure—it’s information, but competence can mask exhaustion. You might check in regularly with questions like, What’s my body asking for lately? If you are unable to answer this question, there is a chance you may be masking what you need through disassociation.
5. It’s Ok to Seek Support
Many first responders are trained to be the helper, not the helped and it can feel like weakness to take a break. I can assure you, it takes courage to rest and recharge.
I still find the EOC exciting. It is a place where I feel competent, calm and focused, but I have also learned when to step back, to accept my limits. I learned to find my own ways to regulate. Sitting with quiet is less rattling, and I don’t need chaos to feel calm
If you’re drawn to high‑intensity work because it feels grounding, you are not broken. You adapted brilliantly to what you were given. We have an incredible ability to be resilient in less than ideal circumstances. That adaptation deserves respect—not judgment.
As you honour the strengths that brought you here, it is important to be patient with yourself as you untangle the calm from the chaos. It may not be comfortable, but as your nervous system learns alternatives, you can maintain the skills that help you excel in crisis, while bringing some stability to your self and your relationships.